Not For A Hundred Dollars

Here we are, nearly a month since the Split.

I'm still jobless. I still haven't quit smoking. I have finally cut down on the Dew. I have barely read a book or worked on my writing.

Starting over takes time. A lot of time. But I feel like one of those people that expects results within hours of starting something new. I want all the things to start NOW. I want to stop giving my headaches from stress.

I am so tired of being held under someone's thumb, asking for this or that. It's only recently that I've gotten a break on the job front.

I have signed up on Upwork as a freelancer. I take on work as a transcriptionist, editor, writer, and pretty much anything else I find that requires skills I know I have. My downfall is exprience right now.

Why is it that to gain experience you have to work, but you need experience to work? It's a never ending cycle of rejection, anger, and stress. *sigh*

I''m eeking by, from friends and family, but it's not supporting myself. I'm still relying on others to get me from day to day.

It's frustating, to say the least. I have this list that I like to look at every once and a while. A list of all the things I want: a nice house with a cozy reading corner, my dream kitchen. A 1967 Ford Mustang GT. A published novel. An english teacher.

So many things...and I wonder if I'll make it to see the day when I finally get all those things. I wonder if I'll ever get those things.

The trick is holding your head up, never giving up. Just keep on keeping on. But I really, really just want to put my head down. Get a little rest. just for a little bit.


Have you ever experienced a crshing moment of defeat? How did you get through it? Let me know in the omments below.